Even though we say that our son is married, most adjustment and adaptation for and towards the family is done by the girl (daughter-in-law) who gets married into the family, especially for the couple living with their in-laws or otherwise too. Well, this is one of the most vulnerable relationship statuses which can cause stress many a time.
Have you noticed that nowadays, thyroid, diabetes, blood pressure, vertigo, etc have become very common ailments especially among young women, this further leading to issues to conceiving?
Here is an insight which could be a possible root cause of it.
Expectations by the in-laws:
Marriage is a complete change in lifestyle for a girl (Daughter-in-law), right from taking on the entire responsibility to run the household which includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, groceries, children etc, she is also expected to be social and cordial with the extended family (in-laws side), irrespective of the fact that the daughter-in-law is a working mom herself and can barely squeeze time for herself, leading to constant fatigue. On the other side when it comes to the husbands, they hardly find the time to even visit their in-laws with their wives.
2. Support from husband:
Men today prefer marrying working women for two reasons, primarily being that the expenses to run the family would be shared and the second reason is that she is a strong independent woman. However they seem to overlook the obvious fact that she is not a superhero to handle home and work all alone and if she is actually doing it, she is burning out health-wise and you as her spouse need to realize and offer help else this could lead to grave health issues like blood pressure, thyroid, etc.
3. Taunts & criticism:
However evolved we consider ourselves and say our Bahu is like our daughter, in true sense it is a myth, as every daughter-in-law has been criticized for not being good enough, either the kitchen expectation, household expectation or producing a grandchild expectation is not met and sadly this is mostly voiced by the mother-in-law (a woman, herself). This thought process does not help the daughter-in-law, instead creates stress and leads to an irreversible health issue.
4. Husband’s plight:
Mainly, in household where the couple live with their in-laws, any disconnect that has taken place during the day with the retired in-laws at home, go as a complain to the son/ husband which continues as an extended episode of what happened during the day, causing stress between the couple and within the family, sometimes it is good to let go and over-look.
5. Liberated women:
However organized one may be working women go through major stress, handling home and work. Nowadays, work does not end once you step out of office, however, is carried home through phone calls and emails post office hours, on week offs and on vacations as well. If handling home chores is helped or shared by other family members makes the daughter-in-law, feel cared and full of gratitude towards her in-laws and proud of the family that she has married.
Male child of working parent when married, as husbands understand their responsibility to help their wives with the household in their own way, they contribute in their own way for example over the weekend it may be as sweet and simple as making and serving tea to all, just this emotional and little physical support, helps the daughter-in-law (wife) de-stress. This is instilled by his mother who had to manage home and work as well back then. Most of these men take pride in saying they help their wives as well.
7. I’d rather learn to say ‘No’:
Not all homes are same, hence at times, it is also important for a daughter-in-law to learn to say a polite ‘No’ that she cannot do this bit today or needs help. It is absolutely ok to reach out for help after all that is what family is for. You can feel tired and stressed or just want to take a break, it is absolutely ‘OK’ and one should not feel guilty saying ”NO” at times.
With the ailments caused due to the life condition lead due to stress, a common advice received from the doctor is just one thing, “Learn to de-stress, do some yoga, go for a walk for at least 45 mins”, however most importantly you need to understand that you too are human and need enough rest as well. As in-laws don’t be judgmental by picking on things that have not been done, instead appreciate what all is taken care of and help if you can to handle the rest. Nothing is worth it, at the cost if your health, you come first, if you are fit rest will be just fine.
Be Happy, Be Peppy! 🙂
Article Credits: Aarti Dalal | Mumbai | India